Another Song Called Breathing Breath Breathe
by JaMeSgRiFfItHs101
Summary: Have you noticed that there are so many songs called "Breathing," "Breath" or "Breathe?" I found one of those songs to write a fan fiction to. It's about Iggy's girlfriend and he reflects on her death.


**A/N: So I was really bored and I wanted to write something like this. Finding a song was hard so I hope this one works. If you don't know it, look up the song"Breathing" by Lifehouse or this story is not done justice. I think the lyrics are so perfect for Iggy. It's kind of a sequel to "Iggy's Story" and "Her Last Story" by ElTangoDeRoxanne93. **

I knew that I had changed. It was not for the better.

Max used to leave me behind because of what was wrong with me. For a while afterward, I hadn't known if she'd invited me or not, because I had stopped listening.

Most of the time, I'd smiled back and pretended to pay attention. I'd tried to accept everyone's concern when they asked if I was okay.

_**I'm finding my way back to sanity again,  
Though I don't really know what I'm going to do when I get there.**_

There was only one way I could get back to sanity. I was going to Florida. I had let no one know. I left a vague letter in my pitiful handwriting and I hoped no one could read it.

I'm sorry about this. You guys were everything to me, but I couldn't take it anymore. Thanks for everything.

-Ig

I had begun my journey and landed in the city so I stole some ice cream. I picked _her _ favourite flavour.

I flew to the beach. I loved it here although I'd always had a sickening sense of satisfaction. This was where the flock and I had shared many memories. Like Angel learning to breathe underwater. Like where I had almost kissed her--Summer. Like when she was killed--because I couldn't save her.

The flock had buried her here. I couldn't get myself to help them. I didn't want to feel the sandy ground, being dug out from under my feet. I didn't want to remember Summer's love leaking out from under the sand. I wanted to remember her alive.

It had been that night that I'd begun to fear water--drowning--the beach. Only one other person had ever shared that fear.

_**Take a breath and hold on tight,  
Spin around one more time,  
And gracefully fall back to the arms of Grace.  
**_

I took a breath. Such thoughts of her were still too powerful for me.

I let my hands guide me to the palm tree and although I had only been here once, I knew exactly where I was headed.

I could feel the sunset begin to fade behind me. I sat down and knelt by the tree, the ice cream box in my hand.

Well, I was here. What was I supposed to do now? I tried to speak. I choked. My fingers pressed against the tree as I tried to speak.

"Lexi..." I breathed. Just as I had expected, there was no reply. "It's okay. You don't have to say anything. I just came to tell you..."

_**  
'Cause I am hanging on every word you say and,  
Even if you don't want to speak tonight that's alright,  
Alright with me.  
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing,  
Is where I want to be.  
Yeah.  
Where I want to be.**_

But what had I come to tell her. There were so many things I wanted to say. There was so much I wanted to tell her while she was still alive. I wanted to say I wouldn't let her get hurt anymore, even after all that had happened. I wanted to say I would always be there for her. I wanted to tell her I loved her. But I couldn't say anything besides, "Sorry."

All the memories came flooding back. Nathan had her.

I came to save her and she was terrified of me.

"Lexi! It's me. Iggy!! Don't you remember?"

Of course she remembered. She remembered what Nathan had done to her, disguised as me. She remembered the kisses turned to poison.. She remembered injections. But she believed me.

_**I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth **_

Alaska-- I almost smiled at that memory. A true smile--something that hadn't happened since Lexi had--gone.

Then snow had freshly fallen and it was the first time I actually got to see Lexi.

I wouldn't have given those few days for anything. I could never forget her soft pink lips, her blue eyes, her curvy figure that I had only the pleasure to touch (with her permission, of course). Then there was her blue eyes, one always obscured by her blonde hair that I constantly brushed out of her face, which usually lead to playing with her hair, which lead to a kiss. She said she didn't like her face, which made her lucky that, once we left the snowy area, I would only have hands to brush the hair out of her face again.

I hadn't forgotten her love of her favourite dessert either.

_"Iggy, it's yummy!" _I could hear her voice in my head.

_**And I'm**_

_**Trying to identify the voices in my head.  
God which one's you?**_

_"But I'm more yummy?" I always asked. I pretended to be upset, and it was usually awarded by a kiss. _

_"You are definitely more yummy!"_

I decided to assume the sky had gone dark by now. The weather was still warm and humid but I shivered, remembering her cough. She always said she was fine, even the last time when I knew she was not fine. She always had to be strong, for me, even when it was too late for her.

_**Let me feel one more time what it feels like to feel alive,  
And break these calluses off of me,  
One more time.**_

I hated being helpless for her. I wanted to help her. I couldn't stand being the damsel. Lexi always disapproved of playing the damsel herself.

I told her I would get a cure and save her. Then she would be my queen and we could rule our kingdom...our empire. We'd even talked about eloping and moving to Greece.

Lexi had always threatened me about meeting a hot Mediterranean guy who she would leave me for. But it didn't matter because I knew she would find no Mediterranean guy and I knew even if she did, she would never leave me.

_**'Cause I am hanging on every word you say and,  
Even if you don't want to speak tonight that's alright,  
Alright with me.  
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside your door and listen to you breathing,  
Is where I want to be.  
Yeah.**_

My first memory of her was always the most powerful. I couldn't believe it had been a year ago. We'd been talking about her flock. She was torn up. She thought they had all been "killed" on the beach. I told her how I'd loved Summer.

In the next instant, I had been either extremely brave or too tired to know what I was doing. I told Lexi I loved her.

I thought she had left, as most people did, while I stayed and talked to myself, believing I was talking to someone else. She was so startled, she'd said nothing. Finally, she admitted she loved me too, although by that time I was asleep.

I sniffled at a laugh as I remembered how she always held that over me... how she _had_ always held that over me. There was no present tense in anything she did now.

I hadn't talked much since I arrived here but I felt like Lexi could hear everything I was thinking. I wanted to be with her again—--and the only way to do that was to break the promise I had made to her.

I pulled out a knife. They had always been a fear of mine since my operation that had cost me my sight. I was going to do it.

I was going to die now.

_**I don't want a thing from you.  
Bet you're tired of me waiting for the scraps to fall off your table to the ground.**_

I hated to have to betray her. I lied to her, or else, the promise was just something that I couldn't keep.

The salty ocean air blew by and I thought of the beach bunnies when our flock had separated. Fang told Lexi about that. She was not mad. She found it entertaining to torment me with that. She always wondered how I could sink so low as to hear about babes on the beach. She always teased me about the girl who split ice cream...um...yeah.

Before Lexi split her ice cream...on her...um...chest. Mint chocolate chip. Her favourite.

_"Do you want me to--help--or should I just--um--" I stuttered while my face reddened. _

_"I've got it," Lexi insisted, taking napkins from my hand. _

_I wished I could see her face then to see if it mirrored the colour of mine._

_**'Cause I just want to be here now.  
**_

I laughed aloud at this memory. "I...um...brought you some ice cream, Lexi. It's your favourite."

Then I bit my lip. Now, I should join her.

I felt the handle of the knife, loosely in my hand. I was scared. I pushed the thoughts out of my mind. I had nothing to live for.

I gave no second thought and pushed the knife to chest, making a small cut.

_"I'll be with you soon, Lexi. Maybe...I'll be able to see you...in Heaven..."_

_**'Cause I am hanging on every word you say and,  
Even if you don't want to speak tonight that's alright,  
Alright with me.  
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing,  
Is where I want to be.  
Yeah.**_

I gasped with the feeling of unimaginable pain. The blood had already leaked down to the ice cream.

"I'm sorry..." I began to apologize hopelessly about the contaminated ice cream, but I continued. "...for everything. For not saving you..."

I pushed in the knife farther.

"_And even if there is no such thing as Heaven, anything is better than living here without you," _I thought.

My hands were covered in blood. I could feel the reddish colour. Red like flames. Red like the boots with wings on the side, the last thing I remembered seeing. Red like the sunset. Red like my blood.

The sky was black. I knew it even without being able to see. The stars had come.

Lexi had always stayed up to look at the stars. Although it sounded pointless, I did too. She described them so I felt like I could see them again. She said they were like us. They looked so small compared to all the darkness but they still existed.

"We will never have to worry about the darkness again..." I whispered, still imagining she was there.

The pain was so intense. It tore at my chest, my heart, ripping down the rest of my body.

_Come what may._ I thought of the song she always sung to me. I hoped her lyrics will still true. I hoped she would love after I'd done this to myself. _I will love you until the end of time.**  
**_"I...brought a song for you..." I told the palm tree. "You know I can't sing...but I...hope you like it..." I found the song that I'd put on my iPod and played it loudly for the tree. For Lexi.

"Do you...like it?" I gasped. I could almost imagine her reply.

Maybe she would say, "Heck yes!" Like I'd said when someone asked if I loved her. I knew it would also be the last thing I would ever say. I smiled. "Heck yes, Lexi. I will be with you soon..." I whispered as I faded out to the end of the song.

_**  
'Cause I am hanging on every word you say and,  
Even if you don't want to speak tonight that's alright,  
Alright with me.  
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing,  
Is where I want to be.  
Yeah.  
Where I want to be.  
Where I want to be...**_

**A/N: Sad? Horrible? Mixed feelings? Did you like it? It mostly came from some inside jokes so that's why its all kind of random. Thank you liz22463 for inspiring me to post it!**


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